Blessings
Jana

My hollow self isn’t really there but I fill it up with lots of stuff:

fears and doubts, beliefs that do not serve me, obtaining and doing busyness.

My Holy Self gets put on hold until I remember that there is a truth

deep inside of me, a truth that says I am holy, I am part of All That Is,

I AM LOVE

Ask anyone what they associate The Big “C” with and 99.9999% will, without a moment’s hesitation, answer Cancer; the dreaded “C” word.  It is probably the most dreaded word in our vocabulary…and it doesn’t matter what language you speak because fear of the word “Cancer” is universal.

When I heard that word used in association with myself, I thought “why is it that we have so much fear around this”? We don’t hold this fearful energy around any other disease that I can think of.  But, we fear Cancer as if it were the grim reaper himself showing up on our doorstep.  Why do you suppose this is the case?  My thoughts are that somewhere deep down inside most people who are diagnosed (whether they will admit it or not) feel it is their death sentence. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but ultimately the “Cancer” will kill them…and if not the cancer then the treatment; Every visit for a check-up, every test to follow-up, every year holding their breath because they never knew that the words “cancer free” held so much power.

We all probably know of someone who has had a heart attack, but honestly we don’t give much thought to the fact that they will go on to live a long and healthy life….there’s no real ‘fear’ because we know for the most part it is curable; the doctor will fix them and they’ll be fine.  There have been great strides in most areas of death causing illnesses…and we see the tangible successes every day; But not the Big “C”.  The medical profession has been ‘fighting’ the war on cancer for over 100 years and the truth?  We aren’t much better off today than we were back in the beginning.  If you do some research, you will find that only a few of the really rare types of cancer have shown any real successes in terms of “absolute” long-term survival numbers.  This has become such an embarrassment to the medical industry that they have lowered the survival rate to classify you as “cured” to only 5 years!  Yep, if you don’t die in the first 5 years after treatment, the medical establishment considers you Cured.  You could die 5 years and 1 day and you would still be counted in their “cured” rate statistics….but I digress, so before I get launched off onto my soap box, here is how it unfolded for me.

Personally, I would have given you a winning lottery ticket that the small lump in my left breast was just a cyst….I had said many years ago when my husband died of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, that I had done my tour of duty and had no intention of experiencing this illness again.  So, when I called to get the test results I was expecting a cheery “all clear”…instead I was told that it was The Big “C”.  I admit at first I was shocked, stunned, pissed and then strangely…accepting.  Spirit took over my thinking, rational brain just that fast.  New questions formed and not the traditional ones. Not one thought entered my mind concerning how quickly the doctor could cut it out, or nuke it or poison it until they declared me “cured”.   I have seen too many family members and friends ravished by the so called “gold standard” treatment.  No, my questions were more along the spiritual vein…Was this to be part of my path after all? If so, what was the gift this experience was to bring? How am I to use this to fulfill my purpose; to serve? As my left brain went into overtime researching everything I needed to know intellectually, my right brain wrapped itself around the ‘knowing’ that somehow this was to be very much a part of my journey here this lifetime.

 I can honestly say thanks to my belief and faith, that I have not spent any length of time at the pity party. The grim reaper was never allowed near my doorstep and he won’t be invited in any time soon…..I have this taken care of, thank you very much!  And while I am not an advocate of traditional therapies, I do understand there is a time and place for them and everyone has to do what feels right for them.  For me, I have my own “gold standard” protocol. First and foremost that means healing my body from the inside out.  It means sometimes just ‘being’ and not ‘doing’. Taking time to love myself and allow for the exploration of those questions in depth…being quiet in order to hear the answers.  I am very careful to surround myself with positive, Light-Filled energy and like-minded people. No fear mongers allowed! I have pulled together one of the best Dream Teams of healers, Spiritual mentors, herbalist, nutritionalist and physicians anyone could ask for and I have Life Extension’s number on speed dial.

I don’t know just yet what the extent of this gift is.  I don’t know how I am to use it to serve others, but I do know that I do not have any fear around the “C” word.  I do know that I am whole and perfect and God in form…that I AM. And so anything that is a part of me is LOVE. That means the Cancer is part of that part of me.  I do not wage “WAR” against it. I do not do “BATTLE” with it.  The Cancer is me, why would I want to do battle or wage war against myself? I embrace it as just an imbalance in my body.  I embrace it as a chance to heal myself on all levels.  I embrace it as a chance to inspire myself to get on with what it is that I came here to do. And not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for the opportunity to live life like I was dying….is there any greater gift?

Jana

From the deck of the mountain chalet you can view the two acre meadow in its blanket of white.  You can tell where the fire ring is.  Can’t tell where the fieldstone labyrinth is.  Can tell where the deer slept last night.  It’s that time of year when the sun sets more south than west, behind the mountain that’s behind the field that’s behind the meadow.

More than once, I’ve put aside chores to get a sled out of the shed or put on my snowshoes.  A couple staying at the chalet for a few days took their skis to cross-country on our trails.  My trusty truck and I are getting pretty good at plowing the Hill’s private road.  Full moons cause dark shadows of silhouetted trees to stretch out across a white canvaas.  And my friends in Florida wonder why I stay here all through the winter.  Silly question, I think.

Wishing you a wonderful new year as I Sit by the fire…..

Chris

The Mountain Chalet, though, is in its prime.  With its skylights and wrap-around windows, one can’t  miss nature; it’s in every direction.  With the falling of the leaves, the depth of the woods can be seen.  the fields and mountains beyond the meadow have come into full view.

Of course, it’s an ideal time to hike the leaf covered lower trail or catch the expanded scenes of the upper trail or see how closely we can get to the grazing deer.  And there is plenty of wood for building an autumn bonfire, just right for roasting marshmallows.

It can be rainy and snowy or clear and sunny.  We’re not surprised if we wake up to a snowy white blanket covering everything in sight.  And I had the plow put on today on my trusty truck just in case.

Hope to see you soon,

Chris

Yesterday I saw a dozen wild turkeys nibbling in the soybean field across the road.  The neighboring hayfields have been harvested into large round bales and left to wait for winter feeding.

Each day the green hillsides in the distance are showing more spots of orange and reds.  Goldenrods are everywhere.  Farm stands dot the countryside with squashes and pumpkins and corn.  A flock of geese flew overhead today.

The days are getting shorter and cooler.  The nights are getting longer and colder.  By the time Fall officially arrives, we will have settled in to its full brilliance.  Don’t you think it’s a good time to schedule a getaway at the Hill?

Chris

The labyrinth meadow is a bold green carpet.  The dandelion leaves are sprouting, preparing for the coming out of their stem and flower.  We are going to be making dandelion wine at our spring weed walk in May.  The woodpeckers and robins and chickadees are boisterously calling for mates.  Benches were resurrected from their storage place under the chalet and put in their place around the labyrinth.

Before the week is over the snow plow will be taken off the truck and the snow blower will be off the tractor, both tucked away for their (hopefully) long summer’s nap.  We’re taking our chances, I know, to remove them before the end of April, but I figure the odds are in our favor that snow has forgotten where we live for awhile.  We can’t remember such a spring as this!

I want Jana to hurry up and get back up to The Hill so we can put out the chimes for Whimsical Meditation Corner.  Last Sunday Jim took the chain saw and we walked the lower trail, cutting the fallen branches and replacing some of the logs lining the trail, so it’s all ready for the hiking!  And I’d like to get a new trail down to the spring before the end of Spring.  The mountain chalet has had its spring cleaning and I’ve washed most all the blankets and slip covers and curtains for the treehouse yurts.  We’ll be cleaning the yurts next week, so they’ll be ready to open by May 1.

Come enjoy Spring with us.

Chris

By the 3rd week, everything that had been hidden for the season was visible.  Last fall’s leaves nestled in the ground showed their shades of brown.  The greening of the umber grasses began.  We heard song birds.  The buds began to swell on the maple trees.  Even the blackberry bushes are showing life.  Days are sunny, sweather weather.

Spring Interrupted

Then this morning we awakened to a winter wonderland.  Tree branches were covered an inch thick with that familiar glistening white powder.

The deer were easy to spot against the encompassing whiteness.  Rabbit tracks are easy to discern.  Its only 2 inches so no need to plow.  Besides the sun is out now and weather underground says it will get to 40 degrees tomorrow.

I’m going to relax and enjoy this brief interruption of Spring.

Chris

That’s when it hits you.  You can’t get back there from here.  You will never get those moments back again…sorry Dorothy, but you can’t just go back home and find everything just like it was before you were sucked up into the tornado that we know as ‘Life’.

Why is it that we don’t feel our mortality when we’re 20 or 30…even 40?  A good dose of your own mortality keeps a healthy perspective on why it’s not a good idea to just call when you get more time, etc.  Maybe that sense that we have when we’re young and immortal, that it’s ok to live on the edge would be lost or maybe we wouldn’t get as much done, be as productive stopping to smell the roses all the time….we’re supposed to ‘get it and growl’ when we’re young so we can enjoy the fruits of our labor when we reach this ‘certain age’.

Here’s what I do know…having just turned a ‘certain age’, I find myself doing a quick check up from the neck up when I hear myself say “I’ll do it tomorrow when I have more time”.

Go ahead and stop to smell the roses, make the calls, take the trips, stay connected….none of us are immortal regardless of our age.

Jana

May you know how loved you are

May you reach to touch the highest in you

May your limitations know no boundaries

Seeing with your own inner vision

May all your dreams come true.

Chris